Everyday Tip

Control your emotional reactions, the 3 Rs:

Have you learnt to recognise and rationalise your emotional responses? This is a sure way to build your confidence and remind you that you are in control of your behaviour.
Once we become aware of a ‘negative’ emotional response such as anger, jealousy, bitterness, sadness or fear we can often act without thinking or dwell on the response, sometimes even getting annoyed with ourselves for responding this way. It is important to learn that we cannot help our emotions but we can choose how to act next.

For example, feeling annoyed that someone got served before you at the bar is a valid response that you have no choice about. However, you do have a choice about what to do once this emotion has been triggered, reacting angrily would be an out of control response. Or, you may notice a fear reaction in a social situation due to a lack of self-confidence, fleeing the scene would be the out of control response here. You can choose to remain there and face that fear, thereby effectively boosting your confidence in your own abilities to face life’s challenges.

You have the power to react in whatever way you choose.
The 3 Rs:

Recognise the emotion. This involves stopping, really listening to yourself and your self-talk (the voice in your head). Also, notice your physical responses, what do you feel in your heart, head or stomach? What emotion can you detect?
Rationalise. Breathe out deeply and breathe in again, this naturally calms the nervous system. Accept that any emotional reaction is normal and out of your control. Ask yourself how this emotion is really helping you. Ask yourself whether you would like to react to this emotion. Who is most affected by this reaction? Pausing and rationalising in this way will allow you to consider whether to react in a rational manner, or to shrug it off completely. Remind yourself that only you can choose how to act. Choose to take control.
Reassure. Reflect on the fact that you have accepted that which you cannot control (the emotion) and you have controlled your reaction. You have chosen how to act. Acknowledging this will calm and reassure that initial emotional response.
o Note about learning any new patterns of behaviour - It is important to be aware that any changes to life-long habits take time, effort and practise. As adults we are prone to expecting perfection from ourselves the minute we decide on a new way of thinking or acting, but this is not realistic. Forgive yourself if you do not always get it right, you are learning after all.

So, what about your calm, happy responses? Noticing those ‘positive’ responses (joy, feelings of calm and well-being, love, belonging, self-pride..) will help you to become aware of what you really want out of life, what your core values are. This will arm you with an awareness that will aid you in every future decision you make or action you take, ensuring you are moving towards your ideal. Try the ‘pre-Coaching pondering’ to investigate your life goals further.