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Coaching services for clarity, stress relief,

contentment, resilience & achievement

effectivethoughts@gmail.com

+44 7884 176539

Check out these quick video tips covering rumination, mindfulness and overcoming nerves.

My Video Tips:
Effective Thoughts for Every Day

All Videos

All Videos

Live:00 : 00 : 00

My live stream

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Healing from Trauma Through Somatic EMDR with Cara Hooper | Episode 11

Healing from Trauma Through Somatic EMDR with Cara Hooper | Episode 11

57:35

How to overcome the nerves to try something with confidence

How to overcome the nerves to try something with confidence

02:12

Break the rumination habit

Break the rumination habit

02:01

Trying to heal when you are still in that toxic situation (job, relationship, hardship).. is like sweeping leaves in a hurricane.

It's a harsh reality that true healing and trauma resolution is a privilege. It requires safe environments and capacity.
And..
With the right support, it is possible to at least build more safety into your life to sustain you through it.

If you are curious about releasing old beliefs and resolving emotional wounds, book a free consultation.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#reality
#healing
#trauma
#authenticity

Trying to heal when you are still in that toxic situation (job, relationship, hardship).. is like sweeping leaves in a hurricane.

It's a harsh reality that true healing and trauma resolution is a privilege. It requires safe environments and capacity.
And..
With the right support, it is possible to at least build more safety into your life to sustain you through it.

If you are curious about releasing old beliefs and resolving emotional wounds, book a free consultation.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#reality
#healing
#trauma
#authenticity

Worthing's 1st Netwalking By The Sea happened today in beautiful sunshine. I am so grateful to these pioneering Netwalkers.

Next one is 11th December, 9.30 outside the Pavilion. It's a free community event.

Today was a joy. We had a Bar & Catering Manager, a Psychotherapist, 2 Goldsmiths, a Yoga Teacher Trainer, a Celebrant, a Coach, and a Linus the dog.

There was a mindful senses check, lots of chat, lots of steps, and a few minutes connecting to our beloved beach.

As well as Netwalking, I am honing my outdoors work. I will soon be introducing Ourdoors Coaching. I am planning routes, practising the craft, and awaiting my Outdoors First Aid course. Why? Because everything feels better outside.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#Netwalking
#outdoorcoaching
#Worthing
#connection
#nature

@jayveron
@janareinhardt_jewellery
@creatingceremony
@kelsmanchee
@sarahhilltherapy

Worthing's 1st Netwalking By The Sea happened today in beautiful sunshine. I am so grateful to these pioneering Netwalkers.

Next one is 11th December, 9.30 outside the Pavilion. It's a free community event.

Today was a joy. We had a Bar & Catering Manager, a Psychotherapist, 2 Goldsmiths, a Yoga Teacher Trainer, a Celebrant, a Coach, and a Linus the dog.

There was a mindful senses check, lots of chat, lots of steps, and a few minutes connecting to our beloved beach.

As well as Netwalking, I am honing my outdoors work. I will soon be introducing Ourdoors Coaching. I am planning routes, practising the craft, and awaiting my Outdoors First Aid course. Why? Because everything feels better outside.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#Netwalking
#outdoorcoaching
#Worthing
#connection
#nature

@jayveron
@janareinhardt_jewellery
@creatingceremony
@kelsmanchee
@sarahhilltherapy

Top tip for working parents:
Have an end of (paid) work day ritual before embarking on your next job - parenting.

1. Acknowledge feelings and stress (e.g. talk to the wall, journal/brain dump feelings onto paper)
2. Regulate self - return to the body - stretch/shake/breathe/ground)

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#workingparents
#regulation
#stressmanagement
#acknowledgement

Top tip for working parents:
Have an end of (paid) work day ritual before embarking on your next job - parenting.

1. Acknowledge feelings and stress (e.g. talk to the wall, journal/brain dump feelings onto paper)
2. Regulate self - return to the body - stretch/shake/breathe/ground)

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#workingparents
#regulation
#stressmanagement
#acknowledgement

THIS THURSDAY 😁
Who's joining me? Please share.

Worthing's Netwalking By The Sea

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month from 13th November. Start at 9.30 am. Meet at the front of the Pavilion.

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like.

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

This is a free, informal event with no booking required. Participation is voluntary. Each participant is responsible for their own safety, behaviour, belongings, and weather appropriate garb.

#netwalking
#Worthing
#coastline
#nature
#connection

THIS THURSDAY 😁
Who's joining me? Please share.

Worthing's Netwalking By The Sea

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month from 13th November. Start at 9.30 am. Meet at the front of the Pavilion.

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like.

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

This is a free, informal event with no booking required. Participation is voluntary. Each participant is responsible for their own safety, behaviour, belongings, and weather appropriate garb.

#netwalking
#Worthing
#coastline
#nature
#connection

It can feel counter intuitive to accept something that is causing us pain.

But the truth is, without acceptance we are creating resistance.

Something painful + resistance = more pain.

So, how can we accept what is hard?

🪜 Name that acceptance is hard, but the cost of not doing it is harder.
🪜 Acknowledge the feelings. The pain, the turmoil, the fear.
🪜 Thank the fear - our protective parts are trying their best.
🪜 Reassure yourself as you would a best friend.
🪜 Repeat the above!

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#acceptance
#adversity
#radical
#truth

It can feel counter intuitive to accept something that is causing us pain.

But the truth is, without acceptance we are creating resistance.

Something painful + resistance = more pain.

So, how can we accept what is hard?

🪜 Name that acceptance is hard, but the cost of not doing it is harder.
🪜 Acknowledge the feelings. The pain, the turmoil, the fear.
🪜 Thank the fear - our protective parts are trying their best.
🪜 Reassure yourself as you would a best friend.
🪜 Repeat the above!

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#acceptance
#adversity
#radical
#truth

One for those recovering from difficult or toxic relationships...

"It took me a long time to understand that you can feel many conflicting things. You can cut someone out of your life and miss them every day but still be glad you don't have to see them again. Missing people doesn't mean that you made the wrong decision."

- Tara Westover

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#cptsd
#toxicrelationship
#trauma
#transitions

One for those recovering from difficult or toxic relationships...

"It took me a long time to understand that you can feel many conflicting things. You can cut someone out of your life and miss them every day but still be glad you don't have to see them again. Missing people doesn't mean that you made the wrong decision."

- Tara Westover

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#cptsd
#toxicrelationship
#trauma
#transitions

Scored 96/100 from 45 people I have coached recently. Happy with that 😀 (although I am 'down' from a rating of 97 last month!).

As a sole trader, feedback is rare, so I appreciate this coaching contracting association sharing their anonymous feedback from the leaders I have worked with.

The questions cover 5 areas - Equipped for change; Goal progress; Impact development; Overcome obstacles, Self awareness.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#leadership
#rating
#feedback
#qualityassurance

Scored 96/100 from 45 people I have coached recently. Happy with that 😀 (although I am 'down' from a rating of 97 last month!).

As a sole trader, feedback is rare, so I appreciate this coaching contracting association sharing their anonymous feedback from the leaders I have worked with.

The questions cover 5 areas - Equipped for change; Goal progress; Impact development; Overcome obstacles, Self awareness.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#leadership
#rating
#feedback
#qualityassurance

Acknowledgement is the key to enable processing. (Processing is how we move emotions.)

Pausing and checking in with emotions and sensations allows full acknowledgement.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#processing
#emotionalintelligence
#emotionalregulation
#Rumination

Acknowledgement is the key to enable processing. (Processing is how we move emotions.)

Pausing and checking in with emotions and sensations allows full acknowledgement.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#processing
#emotionalintelligence
#emotionalregulation
#Rumination

Today's Somatic EMDR for trauma resolution feedback.

This person was suffering - vomiting everyday, overwhelmed and anxious.

10 days after their 1st Somatic EMDR Trauma session, they reported:

"I haven’t been sick since seeing you, and I have been sleeping better with regulating and dumping my mind on paper"

Holding space for the body and its systems is key to resolving stuck emotions. This work goes deeper than talking through your adversity and triggers.

Book a free consultation if you are curious and would like to discuss.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#Somatic
#emdr
#partswork
#ifs
#Trauma
#healing

Today's Somatic EMDR for trauma resolution feedback.

This person was suffering - vomiting everyday, overwhelmed and anxious.

10 days after their 1st Somatic EMDR Trauma session, they reported:

"I haven’t been sick since seeing you, and I have been sleeping better with regulating and dumping my mind on paper"

Holding space for the body and its systems is key to resolving stuck emotions. This work goes deeper than talking through your adversity and triggers.

Book a free consultation if you are curious and would like to discuss.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#Somatic
#emdr
#partswork
#ifs
#Trauma
#healing

Might you be holding back your progress out of fear of not seeming polite or agreeable?

Part of acting consciously, with authenticity, means learning to be ok with meeting our own needs. This may irritate or disappoint people who are used to you prioritising them.

It gets easier with practise...

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#boundaries
#authenticity
#consciouschoice
#courage
#truth
#selftrust

Might you be holding back your progress out of fear of not seeming polite or agreeable?

Part of acting consciously, with authenticity, means learning to be ok with meeting our own needs. This may irritate or disappoint people who are used to you prioritising them.

It gets easier with practise...

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#boundaries
#authenticity
#consciouschoice
#courage
#truth
#selftrust

Yes, trauma resolution work is 'weird' 😀

We are so used to being cognitive, being in our heads, that it feels strange to really connect to the body.

The people I work with often feel renewed, more peaceful, somehow released, but do not cognitively know what has happened!

In Somatic work, the body and the nervous system knows best and speaks a different language to the intellect. It's soooo cool!

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#Somatic
#emdr
#Noncognitive
#gowiththeflow

Yes, trauma resolution work is 'weird' 😀

We are so used to being cognitive, being in our heads, that it feels strange to really connect to the body.

The people I work with often feel renewed, more peaceful, somehow released, but do not cognitively know what has happened!

In Somatic work, the body and the nervous system knows best and speaks a different language to the intellect. It's soooo cool!

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#Somatic
#emdr
#Noncognitive
#gowiththeflow

Hooray, tomorrow is clinic day 🙂

Face to face appointments are available for those in the Worthing area.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#facetoface
#irl
#Worthing

Hooray, tomorrow is clinic day 🙂

Face to face appointments are available for those in the Worthing area.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#facetoface
#irl
#Worthing

Being intentional about smells can regulate us and delay brain ageing!

How can you regularly pause and notice smells?

Why?
👃
It reduces brain ageing - @drtaraswart talked at the Oxford Masters Trauma conference recently about how intentionally, regularly using the olfactory system can delay brain ageing.
👃
It is a great regulation tool, mindfully returning us to our body.
👃
Smells can be soothing and calming, especially those that link us to nature.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#nature
#outdoors
#delaybrainaging
#olfactory
#nervoussystem
#mindfulness

Being intentional about smells can regulate us and delay brain ageing!

How can you regularly pause and notice smells?

Why?
👃
It reduces brain ageing - @drtaraswart talked at the Oxford Masters Trauma conference recently about how intentionally, regularly using the olfactory system can delay brain ageing.
👃
It is a great regulation tool, mindfully returning us to our body.
👃
Smells can be soothing and calming, especially those that link us to nature.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#nature
#outdoors
#delaybrainaging
#olfactory
#nervoussystem
#mindfulness

In what way might you be putting survival before honesty? How might you move (gently) towards authenticity?

The uncomfortable truth is that denying our needs is self abandonment and repression. When this becomes chronic, our body will find a way to express itself!

Awareness and small changes towards self-expression can rebuild self trust.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#authenticity
#relationships
#dishonestharmony

In what way might you be putting survival before honesty? How might you move (gently) towards authenticity?

The uncomfortable truth is that denying our needs is self abandonment and repression. When this becomes chronic, our body will find a way to express itself!

Awareness and small changes towards self-expression can rebuild self trust.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#authenticity
#relationships
#dishonestharmony

Who's joining me? Please share.

Worthing's Netwalking By The Sea

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month from 13th November. Start at 9.30 am. Meet at the front of the Pavilion.

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like.

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

This is a free, informal event with no booking required. Participation is voluntary. Each participant is responsible for their own safety, behaviour, belongings, and weather appropriate garb.

#netwalking
#Worthing
#coastline
#nature
#connection

Who's joining me? Please share.

Worthing's Netwalking By The Sea

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month from 13th November. Start at 9.30 am. Meet at the front of the Pavilion.

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like.

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

This is a free, informal event with no booking required. Participation is voluntary. Each participant is responsible for their own safety, behaviour, belongings, and weather appropriate garb.

#netwalking
#Worthing
#coastline
#nature
#connection

Great to see so much interest in my 'Net-walking' by the sea suggestion, thanks to all who responded.

So, more detail, and another question...

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month from 13th November

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

What time is best from the following options?
<It will take around 1.5 hours if you do the whole route (allows for a chance to stop and stare at the sea) - what start time would suit you best (you might need to shuffle those meetings around!)>

Morning - Start at 9.30
Lunch - Start at 12

#Worthing
#seafront
#networking
#netwalking
#greatoutdoors

Great to see so much interest in my 'Net-walking' by the sea suggestion, thanks to all who responded.

So, more detail, and another question...

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month from 13th November

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

What time is best from the following options?
<It will take around 1.5 hours if you do the whole route (allows for a chance to stop and stare at the sea) - what start time would suit you best (you might need to shuffle those meetings around!)>

Morning - Start at 9.30
Lunch - Start at 12

#Worthing
#seafront
#networking
#netwalking
#greatoutdoors

How important is nature and the outdoors to your thinking process?

I am gathering ideas and inspiration around bringing nature into my coaching thanks to the awesome speakers at the @associationforcoachingglobal #coachingoutdoors conference.

In learning bliss 😊

How important is nature and the outdoors to your thinking process?

I am gathering ideas and inspiration around bringing nature into my coaching thanks to the awesome speakers at the @associationforcoachingglobal #coachingoutdoors conference.

In learning bliss 😊

Avoidance of our feelings comes with a cost.

I found myself quoting 'We're going on a bear hunt' in a session yesterday when discussing avoidance - "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we've got to go through it."

Pushing our feelings away is understandable and necessary at times when we have to step up, but it is not sustainable. Chronic avoidance means our nervous system will be on alert, our body will find ways to signal the pain of repression, we will feel drained and overwhelmed.

It's uncomfortable, but allowing our emotions, noticing where we feel them in our body, and honouring what we need is essential.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#interoception
#selfawareness
#emotionalintelligence
#validation

Avoidance of our feelings comes with a cost.

I found myself quoting 'We're going on a bear hunt' in a session yesterday when discussing avoidance - "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we've got to go through it."

Pushing our feelings away is understandable and necessary at times when we have to step up, but it is not sustainable. Chronic avoidance means our nervous system will be on alert, our body will find ways to signal the pain of repression, we will feel drained and overwhelmed.

It's uncomfortable, but allowing our emotions, noticing where we feel them in our body, and honouring what we need is essential.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#interoception
#selfawareness
#emotionalintelligence
#validation

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 5
> Which one speaks most to you?

When we fall in love with something, we want to protect it... Fall in love over and over with self, the world, the messiness.
- Linda Thai

Intuition is not just a mental capability, there is wisdom in the body.
- Tara Swart

Tapping creates a neuroplasticity window; allows you to move into a realm of new possibility.
- Poppy Delbridge

We get through trauma because someone was there for us.
- Bessel van de Kolk

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 5
> Which one speaks most to you?

When we fall in love with something, we want to protect it... Fall in love over and over with self, the world, the messiness.
- Linda Thai

Intuition is not just a mental capability, there is wisdom in the body.
- Tara Swart

Tapping creates a neuroplasticity window; allows you to move into a realm of new possibility.
- Poppy Delbridge

We get through trauma because someone was there for us.
- Bessel van de Kolk

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 4
> Which one speaks most to you?

There is a conflict between belonging and telling the truth.
- Bessel van de Kolk

Healing is political. Politics decides who has access to the means of returning to dignity.
- Linda Thai

Cultutal attunement is to meet people relationally to enable them to be in their truth - especially when their truth is different to ours.
- Myira Khan

Being a parent is a lifelong dance of holding on and letting go.
- Sophie Samuel

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 4
> Which one speaks most to you?

There is a conflict between belonging and telling the truth.
- Bessel van de Kolk

Healing is political. Politics decides who has access to the means of returning to dignity.
- Linda Thai

Cultutal attunement is to meet people relationally to enable them to be in their truth - especially when their truth is different to ours.
- Myira Khan

Being a parent is a lifelong dance of holding on and letting go.
- Sophie Samuel

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 3
> Which one speaks most to you?

Attachment to identity can keep us limited. Shifting takes courage, we have to jump into the unknown.
- Sat Dharam Kaur

We like to see people as better than we are, but they aren't.
- Bessel van de Kolk

Walking around humming is great.
- Licia Sky

The luxury of confidentiality is not believed by people in all parts of the world. Walls can have ears.
- Mike Niconchuk

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 3
> Which one speaks most to you?

Attachment to identity can keep us limited. Shifting takes courage, we have to jump into the unknown.
- Sat Dharam Kaur

We like to see people as better than we are, but they aren't.
- Bessel van de Kolk

Walking around humming is great.
- Licia Sky

The luxury of confidentiality is not believed by people in all parts of the world. Walls can have ears.
- Mike Niconchuk

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 2
> Which one speaks most to you?

2 things that provide the biggest benefits as we age: squatting & intentionally smelling different smells!
- Tara Swart

We all need to be safe, seen soothed and secure. Society violates these needs.
- Dan Siegel

All grief does not have trauma. All trauma has grief. Grief, like trauma, needs to be witnessed.
- David Kessler

When connecting with people: being hospitable, nurturing, encourages a sense of being seen.
- Miles Adcox

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 2
> Which one speaks most to you?

2 things that provide the biggest benefits as we age: squatting & intentionally smelling different smells!
- Tara Swart

We all need to be safe, seen soothed and secure. Society violates these needs.
- Dan Siegel

All grief does not have trauma. All trauma has grief. Grief, like trauma, needs to be witnessed.
- David Kessler

When connecting with people: being hospitable, nurturing, encourages a sense of being seen.
- Miles Adcox

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 1
> Which one speaks most to you?

[Coaches/Therapists] make it safe enough to help people to get to know themselves.
- Richard Schwartz

Cultutal bias shapes our beliefs about food, creating a feeling that our bodies are a problem for us to solve.
- Jeanne Catanzaro

We have to learn to love the child we have rather than the child we want them to be.

The real work [as children grow up] is how to let go of control without letting go of connection.
- Julia Samuel

As we establish more relationship with ourselves, our capacity to be in relationship with others grows.
- Scott Lyons

Wisdom from #TransformTraumaOxford2025 Part 1
> Which one speaks most to you?

[Coaches/Therapists] make it safe enough to help people to get to know themselves.
- Richard Schwartz

Cultutal bias shapes our beliefs about food, creating a feeling that our bodies are a problem for us to solve.
- Jeanne Catanzaro

We have to learn to love the child we have rather than the child we want them to be.

The real work [as children grow up] is how to let go of control without letting go of connection.
- Julia Samuel

As we establish more relationship with ourselves, our capacity to be in relationship with others grows.
- Scott Lyons

Look out for my key learnings from #TransformTraumaOxford2025

30 hours of talks, workshops & experiences over 3 days (+ more online stuff to geek out on when I get home!).

So looking forward to hearing all the top experts in all things trauma 👏

Currently queuing in the rain - so British!

Look out for my key learnings from #TransformTraumaOxford2025

30 hours of talks, workshops & experiences over 3 days (+ more online stuff to geek out on when I get home!).

So looking forward to hearing all the top experts in all things trauma 👏

Currently queuing in the rain - so British!

Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop"
- Rumi

Sometimes we need to pause, and reflect on what we automatically do or attach ourselves to.

We can ask:
Is this meeting my values?
Is this draining me?

It takes courage to honestly review whether we are acting on (perceived) expectation or authenticity.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#authenticity
#clarity
#unmasking

Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop"
- Rumi

Sometimes we need to pause, and reflect on what we automatically do or attach ourselves to.

We can ask:
Is this meeting my values?
Is this draining me?

It takes courage to honestly review whether we are acting on (perceived) expectation or authenticity.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#authenticity
#clarity
#unmasking

Worthing in-person appointments are available.

Book before the end of September to grab a bargain. Visit my website or message me 🙂

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#mindset
#behaviourchange
#purpose
#traumarelease
#Somatic
#emdr
#friendsmeetinghouse
#Worthing

Worthing in-person appointments are available.

Book before the end of September to grab a bargain. Visit my website or message me 🙂

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#mindset
#behaviourchange
#purpose
#traumarelease
#Somatic
#emdr
#friendsmeetinghouse
#Worthing

Somatic work is a game changer.

Working with our nervous system, our bodies, is essential to process and resolve emotions.

Somatic work focuses on the non-cognitive body and nervous system.

In my coaching, I comine somatic awareness with EMDR. EMDR is a protocol to dial down the limbic system to allow safe processing and resolution of triggers, anxieties, and trauma.

The result?
You’ll feel lighter, more grounded, and empowered to break free from the patterns that have been holding you back. Reduce the sense of feeling stuck, reactive, or overwhelmed by emotional baggage and work towards finding your inner calm.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#trauma
#healing
#triggers
#somatic
#emdr

Somatic work is a game changer.

Working with our nervous system, our bodies, is essential to process and resolve emotions.

Somatic work focuses on the non-cognitive body and nervous system.

In my coaching, I comine somatic awareness with EMDR. EMDR is a protocol to dial down the limbic system to allow safe processing and resolution of triggers, anxieties, and trauma.

The result?
You’ll feel lighter, more grounded, and empowered to break free from the patterns that have been holding you back. Reduce the sense of feeling stuck, reactive, or overwhelmed by emotional baggage and work towards finding your inner calm.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#trauma
#healing
#triggers
#somatic
#emdr

Time for a self-awareness check-in.

Pause, acknowledge feelings, check what you might need.

I was inspired to send this message because I had been sitting at my desk too long and felt sluggish. A stretch, a bit of rotation, and a stroke of my dog sorted me right out!

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#regulate
#proprioception
#personalresponsibility
#personalpower
#selfcare

Time for a self-awareness check-in.

Pause, acknowledge feelings, check what you might need.

I was inspired to send this message because I had been sitting at my desk too long and felt sluggish. A stretch, a bit of rotation, and a stroke of my dog sorted me right out!

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#regulate
#proprioception
#personalresponsibility
#personalpower
#selfcare

What did your programming teach you about saying 'no'/asserting yourself?
Did you internalise that doing so makes you....?
Pig headed
Selfish
Inflexible
Only think of self
Not a 'team player'
Self centred
Stubborn

Parts of society, work, and toxic family systems rely on our compliance. We comply to keep the peace or maintain dishonest harmony, a fake sense of connection. To mask our true selves. To not be seen as the baddy, the villain.

The impacts of NOT saying 'no'/asserting ourselves?
Self betrayal
Unmet needs
Resentment
Burnout
Dysregulation
Lack of self trust

It takes intentional practise and self compassion to challenge our inner beliefs.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#compliance
#unprogramming
#consciouschoice

What did your programming teach you about saying 'no'/asserting yourself?
Did you internalise that doing so makes you....?
Pig headed
Selfish
Inflexible
Only think of self
Not a 'team player'
Self centred
Stubborn

Parts of society, work, and toxic family systems rely on our compliance. We comply to keep the peace or maintain dishonest harmony, a fake sense of connection. To mask our true selves. To not be seen as the baddy, the villain.

The impacts of NOT saying 'no'/asserting ourselves?
Self betrayal
Unmet needs
Resentment
Burnout
Dysregulation
Lack of self trust

It takes intentional practise and self compassion to challenge our inner beliefs.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#compliance
#unprogramming
#consciouschoice

What did your programming teach you about saying 'no'/asserting yourself?

It takes intentional practise and self compassion to challenge our inner beliefs.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#compliance
#unprogramming
#consciouschoice

What did your programming teach you about saying 'no'/asserting yourself?

It takes intentional practise and self compassion to challenge our inner beliefs.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#compliance
#unprogramming
#consciouschoice

How to feel better in 8 steps.

• Regulate often - Pause, breathe, return to your body.
• Ask yourself what you need in this moment - it could be moving, connecting, nature, rest, hydration..
• Acknowledge pain and emotion without judgement. Say 'hello' to it rather than trying to shut it down.
• Seek out the small things to be grateful for.
• Make honest, intentional decisions in line with your true self - boundaries, health and fitness focus, changes to honour values, healing, learning..
• Acknowledge your small successes
• Try doing something fun/silly/new - sing, dance, ceeate, shake your body.
• Reduce your consumption of news and social media: now, in this moment, all is well.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#toptips
#proprioception
#emotionalintelligence
#bekindtoself
#selfcare
#findthefun

How to feel better in 8 steps.

• Regulate often - Pause, breathe, return to your body.
• Ask yourself what you need in this moment - it could be moving, connecting, nature, rest, hydration..
• Acknowledge pain and emotion without judgement. Say 'hello' to it rather than trying to shut it down.
• Seek out the small things to be grateful for.
• Make honest, intentional decisions in line with your true self - boundaries, health and fitness focus, changes to honour values, healing, learning..
• Acknowledge your small successes
• Try doing something fun/silly/new - sing, dance, ceeate, shake your body.
• Reduce your consumption of news and social media: now, in this moment, all is well.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#toptips
#proprioception
#emotionalintelligence
#bekindtoself
#selfcare
#findthefun

HOW DO YOU REGULATE YOURSELF?

Regularly bringing attention to the body in this moment reduces the cumulative impact of dysregulation.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#stressrelief
#regulation
#mindfulness
#Somatic

HOW DO YOU REGULATE YOURSELF?

Regularly bringing attention to the body in this moment reduces the cumulative impact of dysregulation.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#stressrelief
#regulation
#mindfulness
#Somatic

As an experienced Life, Leadership & Trauma Coach with lived experience of recovering from chronic illness and CPTSD..
I wish everyone knew the following concepts that have come up in coaching and supervision this week.

- Healed people still have struggles & vulnerabilities, they just allow themselves to process things with self compassion.

-:Allowing and acknowledging our physical sensations without judgement is transformational.

- We cannot fully heal from a harmful circumstance or relationship when we are still in it.

- Leadership and relationships alike require us to be authentic, which means showing our vulnerability.

- We can have boundaries around how much vulnerability we show.

- True creativity is only possible when we feel regulated/safe.

- It takes courage to be seen as our authentic selves.

- Development often comes with grief - people will be attached to old versions of us.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#learning
#development
#trueself
#healing

As an experienced Life, Leadership & Trauma Coach with lived experience of recovering from chronic illness and CPTSD..
I wish everyone knew the following concepts that have come up in coaching and supervision this week.

- Healed people still have struggles & vulnerabilities, they just allow themselves to process things with self compassion.

-:Allowing and acknowledging our physical sensations without judgement is transformational.

- We cannot fully heal from a harmful circumstance or relationship when we are still in it.

- Leadership and relationships alike require us to be authentic, which means showing our vulnerability.

- We can have boundaries around how much vulnerability we show.

- True creativity is only possible when we feel regulated/safe.

- It takes courage to be seen as our authentic selves.

- Development often comes with grief - people will be attached to old versions of us.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#learning
#development
#trueself
#healing

Authenticity allows us to thrive rather than just survive.

It requires us to be courageous and acknowledge what parts of our lives drain us, and what boosts us.

We avoid authenticity in favour of 'keeping the peace' AKA ' dishonest harmony'. This comes at a huge cost to our nervous system and overall wellbeing.

Coaching can help you to discover and work towards meeting the needs of your true self. You can book a free consultation to discuss if coaching is right for you.

#Coaching
#Effectivethoughts
##trueself
#honesty
#connection
#authenticity

Authenticity allows us to thrive rather than just survive.

It requires us to be courageous and acknowledge what parts of our lives drain us, and what boosts us.

We avoid authenticity in favour of 'keeping the peace' AKA ' dishonest harmony'. This comes at a huge cost to our nervous system and overall wellbeing.

Coaching can help you to discover and work towards meeting the needs of your true self. You can book a free consultation to discuss if coaching is right for you.

#Coaching
#Effectivethoughts
##trueself
#honesty
#connection
#authenticity

Connection to nature is not a pleasantry - it's a necessity.

We regulate our nervous system in nature.

Our connection to this planet is more important than most of us realise. It goes beyond our physical needs of air, sun, water, shelter, and food. Our link to nature restores, regulates, and revives us at a systemic and soul level.

Even glimpsing a bit of sky, a distant tree, a twitter of birdsong, a waft of floral scent can restore us.

Noticing is key.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#connection
#ourplanet
#nature
#restorative
#regulation

Connection to nature is not a pleasantry - it's a necessity.

We regulate our nervous system in nature.

Our connection to this planet is more important than most of us realise. It goes beyond our physical needs of air, sun, water, shelter, and food. Our link to nature restores, regulates, and revives us at a systemic and soul level.

Even glimpsing a bit of sky, a distant tree, a twitter of birdsong, a waft of floral scent can restore us.

Noticing is key.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#connection
#ourplanet
#nature
#restorative
#regulation

Coaching bargains - prices reduced until the end of September 💥

Check out Book Online on my website and book your free consultation.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#summersale

Coaching bargains - prices reduced until the end of September 💥

Check out Book Online on my website and book your free consultation.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#summersale

It may be the right choice but that does not guarantee it will be easy.

All changes, chosen or not, will likely come as a package with uncertainty, grief and effort.

Tenacity comes from knowing it will be worth it.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#transitions
#tenacity
#decisions

It may be the right choice but that does not guarantee it will be easy.

All changes, chosen or not, will likely come as a package with uncertainty, grief and effort.

Tenacity comes from knowing it will be worth it.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#transitions
#tenacity
#decisions

I announced reduced prices for coaching until the end of September and got THIS comment in response...

"I hope you're not selling yourself too short Cara... the coaching you gave to me was life-changing and I will forever be grateful.

To all of you who are struggling, are you being your authentic self? I wasn't and didn't even realise it! I thought I needed to progress along the path I was on as I'd worked so hard. Now I am doing something I am truly inspired by which makes me excited to be working on each day.

I cannot recommend Cara highly enough."

What a privilege my work is... 😊

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#review
#feedback
#lifechanging

I announced reduced prices for coaching until the end of September and got THIS comment in response...

"I hope you're not selling yourself too short Cara... the coaching you gave to me was life-changing and I will forever be grateful.

To all of you who are struggling, are you being your authentic self? I wasn't and didn't even realise it! I thought I needed to progress along the path I was on as I'd worked so hard. Now I am doing something I am truly inspired by which makes me excited to be working on each day.

I cannot recommend Cara highly enough."

What a privilege my work is... 😊

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#review
#feedback
#lifechanging

Coaching bargains - prices reduced until the end of September 💥

Check out Book Online on my website and book your free consultation.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#summersale

Coaching bargains - prices reduced until the end of September 💥

Check out Book Online on my website and book your free consultation.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#summersale

Developing our True, Authentic Self means dropping the 'shoulds', the masks, the perceived expectations. This takes takes intention and awareness...

It's a mission. Our programmed responses are powerful because they helped us to survive.
As well as time, reflection, patience, and self compassion - you will likely need coaching through the multilayered approach. This includes working to...

> Allow the discomfort that comes from making changes
> Notice, acknowledge, and regulate sensations, feelings, emotions
> Learn who you REALLY are
> Keep consciously choosing authenticity
> Let go of the need to tolerate toxicity
> Accept that honouring self might annoy those who benefit from your lack of boundaries!

> Remember the 'why'
Full cognitive function (a result of regulation). Personal power. True self connection. Peace. Acceptance.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#nervoussystem
#trueself
#authenticity
#wholeness
#unprogramming
#societalexpectations
#findingauthenticity
#masking

Developing our True, Authentic Self means dropping the 'shoulds', the masks, the perceived expectations. This takes takes intention and awareness...

It's a mission. Our programmed responses are powerful because they helped us to survive.
As well as time, reflection, patience, and self compassion - you will likely need coaching through the multilayered approach. This includes working to...

> Allow the discomfort that comes from making changes
> Notice, acknowledge, and regulate sensations, feelings, emotions
> Learn who you REALLY are
> Keep consciously choosing authenticity
> Let go of the need to tolerate toxicity
> Accept that honouring self might annoy those who benefit from your lack of boundaries!

> Remember the 'why'
Full cognitive function (a result of regulation). Personal power. True self connection. Peace. Acceptance.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#nervoussystem
#trueself
#authenticity
#wholeness
#unprogramming
#societalexpectations
#findingauthenticity
#masking

Seasonal sale!
Reduced coaching prices until 30th September.

Book your free consultation now..
https://www.effectivethoughts.co.uk/book-online

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#mindset
#clarity
#habitchange
#traumarelease
#triggerhealing
#somatic
#emdr

Seasonal sale!
Reduced coaching prices until 30th September.

Book your free consultation now..
https://www.effectivethoughts.co.uk/book-online

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#mindset
#clarity
#habitchange
#traumarelease
#triggerhealing
#somatic
#emdr

Somatic EMDR v chronic back pain.
How it resolved in 1 session, and what was annoying about it!

Vicky had chronic back pain for 25 years following an accident, impacting daily life and making work difficult. The pain felt draining and was untouched by painkillers.

Medical investigations and interventions gave no answers or relief. Eventually, Vicky found that myofascial massage provided relief, but the pain returned between each session.

Vicky noticed in our Somatic EMDR session that the pain became very intense in her coccyx during the session. Other intense sensations included a really dry mouth and heavy eyes.

After the session, Vicky felt sceptical that anything had really changed, and wondered if she had simply imagined those sensations.

Then, Vicky noticed her back issue was resolved. Months later, she notes it is still resolved. No pain.

Vicky's wise body had the drive to heal and knew what to do, it just needed the space and opportunity to do so.

The annoying thing? Vicky doesn't know how it resolved, why the pain has gone, or what the full story is. Her thinking mind cannot make it make logical sense.

This is a common 'frustration' with Somatic EMDR for us mind-dwelling humans: the mind struggles to neatly label or describe the experiences and wisdom of the body.

📝It's worth noting that it sometimes, but not always, resolves like this in just 1 session. Some people need repeated 'layers' of resolution. Some struggle to tune into the body's sensations, and some struggle to really switch the thinking mind off to allow the body full power.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#chronicpain
#trauma
#healing
#somatic
#emdr
#bodywisdom

Somatic EMDR v chronic back pain.
How it resolved in 1 session, and what was annoying about it!

Vicky had chronic back pain for 25 years following an accident, impacting daily life and making work difficult. The pain felt draining and was untouched by painkillers.

Medical investigations and interventions gave no answers or relief. Eventually, Vicky found that myofascial massage provided relief, but the pain returned between each session.

Vicky noticed in our Somatic EMDR session that the pain became very intense in her coccyx during the session. Other intense sensations included a really dry mouth and heavy eyes.

After the session, Vicky felt sceptical that anything had really changed, and wondered if she had simply imagined those sensations.

Then, Vicky noticed her back issue was resolved. Months later, she notes it is still resolved. No pain.

Vicky's wise body had the drive to heal and knew what to do, it just needed the space and opportunity to do so.

The annoying thing? Vicky doesn't know how it resolved, why the pain has gone, or what the full story is. Her thinking mind cannot make it make logical sense.

This is a common 'frustration' with Somatic EMDR for us mind-dwelling humans: the mind struggles to neatly label or describe the experiences and wisdom of the body.

📝It's worth noting that it sometimes, but not always, resolves like this in just 1 session. Some people need repeated 'layers' of resolution. Some struggle to tune into the body's sensations, and some struggle to really switch the thinking mind off to allow the body full power.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#chronicpain
#trauma
#healing
#somatic
#emdr
#bodywisdom

What might you need to accept at the moment, to reduce resistance around what you cannot control?

It's important to note that acknowledging the feelings is an essential part of radical acceptance.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#radicalacceptance
#realmsofcontrol
#stressrelief
#regulation

What might you need to accept at the moment, to reduce resistance around what you cannot control?

It's important to note that acknowledging the feelings is an essential part of radical acceptance.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#radicalacceptance
#realmsofcontrol
#stressrelief
#regulation

Does part of you need to be in control?

This can lead to us spiralling into anxiety when that control feels out of reach, causing us to feel dysregulated and powerless.

In this state, we can forget our agency, our personal power.

In fact, we do have the power to:
- notice this anxious state
- regulate ourselves (acknowledge our feelings with compassion and return to our body)
- ask for support
- think creatively and problem solve

This all takes practise. So how will you remember to keep checking in?

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#personalpower
#agency
#needtocontrol
#beinthenow

Does part of you need to be in control?

This can lead to us spiralling into anxiety when that control feels out of reach, causing us to feel dysregulated and powerless.

In this state, we can forget our agency, our personal power.

In fact, we do have the power to:
- notice this anxious state
- regulate ourselves (acknowledge our feelings with compassion and return to our body)
- ask for support
- think creatively and problem solve

This all takes practise. So how will you remember to keep checking in?

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#personalpower
#agency
#needtocontrol
#beinthenow

When someone you feel close to detaches or "ghosts" you >

First - acknowledge the pain. It hurts. It is confusing. Grief is likely.

Some different perspectives, which may or may not help...

- It is not our responsibility to guess what is going on for another person. It is theirs to say if they need us.
- Some people need to self isolate to heal.
- We cannot make someone make use of our offers of support.
- We can believe people when they show they don't want contact.

Acceptance of what we cannot change will help the pain to process.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#ghosting
#relationships
#personalresponsibility
#realmsofcontrol
#acceptance

When someone you feel close to detaches or "ghosts" you >

First - acknowledge the pain. It hurts. It is confusing. Grief is likely.

Some different perspectives, which may or may not help...

- It is not our responsibility to guess what is going on for another person. It is theirs to say if they need us.
- Some people need to self isolate to heal.
- We cannot make someone make use of our offers of support.
- We can believe people when they show they don't want contact.

Acceptance of what we cannot change will help the pain to process.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#ghosting
#relationships
#personalresponsibility
#realmsofcontrol
#acceptance

Micro pause & check-in...

Taking time to check in boosts self trust and allows us to improve self awareness.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#powerofthepause

Micro pause & check-in...

Taking time to check in boosts self trust and allows us to improve self awareness.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#powerofthepause

Why stuck emotions/traumas resolve in layers, in conjunction with behaviour change, nervous system, and somatic work.

🔎The reasons people often come to coaching - Chronic dysregulation/overwhelm/illness/stress. Dissociation. Distance from sense of Self. Feeling triggered. Lack of focus.

🔎These come from -
Coping mechanisms/avoidance/soothing (Protectors*)
For example - perfectionism, addictions, self blaming, ruminating, overthinking, impulsivity, people pleasing, hyper-achieving.

🔎Caused by unresolved-
Anger, powerlessness, shame (Protectors*)

🔎Due to -
Dissociating & masking to maintain connection

🔎Caused by -
Original overwhelming unresolved lack of safety - generational trauma, abandonment/fear/grief (Exiles*)

*Exiles and Protectors refer to parts work from Internal Family Systems. I integrate this approach with cognitive coaching, somatic awareness, and EMDR protocols, as required.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#partswork
#healing
#behaviourchange
#selfcare

Why stuck emotions/traumas resolve in layers, in conjunction with behaviour change, nervous system, and somatic work.

🔎The reasons people often come to coaching - Chronic dysregulation/overwhelm/illness/stress. Dissociation. Distance from sense of Self. Feeling triggered. Lack of focus.

🔎These come from -
Coping mechanisms/avoidance/soothing (Protectors*)
For example - perfectionism, addictions, self blaming, ruminating, overthinking, impulsivity, people pleasing, hyper-achieving.

🔎Caused by unresolved-
Anger, powerlessness, shame (Protectors*)

🔎Due to -
Dissociating & masking to maintain connection

🔎Caused by -
Original overwhelming unresolved lack of safety - generational trauma, abandonment/fear/grief (Exiles*)

*Exiles and Protectors refer to parts work from Internal Family Systems. I integrate this approach with cognitive coaching, somatic awareness, and EMDR protocols, as required.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#partswork
#healing
#behaviourchange
#selfcare

'Self care' feels too selfish..?

Then how about calling it
'capacity building'
or
'resilience boosting'?

Or, simply 'necessary'?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#healing
#nervoussystem
#rest
#awareness
#stressrelief
#needs

'Self care' feels too selfish..?

Then how about calling it
'capacity building'
or
'resilience boosting'?

Or, simply 'necessary'?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#healing
#nervoussystem
#rest
#awareness
#stressrelief
#needs

Adopting the builders' philosophy in life and in leadership.

👷‍♀️ Accept that chaos happens.
Acceptance is so needed because it removes the additional stress of resistance. Things happen. They are often outside of our control. Note - this is not the same as dismissal or repression. We still need to acknowledge the feelings that arise.

👷‍♀️ Take each day at a time.
Have a plan, but without rigidity. We are more likely to be able to stay regulated and problem solve if we do not expect complete control. Note - acknowledging the successes is really useful when we notice stalling to a project. The progress may not be linear but we are moving in the right direction.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#acceptance
#realimsofcontrol
#realitycheck

Adopting the builders' philosophy in life and in leadership.

👷‍♀️ Accept that chaos happens.
Acceptance is so needed because it removes the additional stress of resistance. Things happen. They are often outside of our control. Note - this is not the same as dismissal or repression. We still need to acknowledge the feelings that arise.

👷‍♀️ Take each day at a time.
Have a plan, but without rigidity. We are more likely to be able to stay regulated and problem solve if we do not expect complete control. Note - acknowledging the successes is really useful when we notice stalling to a project. The progress may not be linear but we are moving in the right direction.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#acceptance
#realimsofcontrol
#realitycheck

Adopting the builders' philosophy in life and in leadership.

👷‍♀️ Accept that chaos happens.
Acceptance is so needed because it removes the additional stress of resistance. Things happen. They are often outside of our control. Note - this is not the same as dismissal or repression. We still need to acknowledge the feelings that arise.

👷‍♀️ Take each day at a time.
Have a plan, but without rigidity. We are more likely to be able to stay regulated and problem solve if we do not expect complete control. Note - acknowledging the successes is really useful when we notice stalling to a project. The progress may not be linear but we are moving in the right direction.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#acceptance
#realimsofcontrol
#realitycheck

Adopting the builders' philosophy in life and in leadership.

👷‍♀️ Accept that chaos happens.
Acceptance is so needed because it removes the additional stress of resistance. Things happen. They are often outside of our control. Note - this is not the same as dismissal or repression. We still need to acknowledge the feelings that arise.

👷‍♀️ Take each day at a time.
Have a plan, but without rigidity. We are more likely to be able to stay regulated and problem solve if we do not expect complete control. Note - acknowledging the successes is really useful when we notice stalling to a project. The progress may not be linear but we are moving in the right direction.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#acceptance
#realimsofcontrol
#realitycheck

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