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Coaching services for clarity, stress relief,

contentment, resilience & achievement

effectivethoughts@gmail.com

+44 7884 176539

Check out these quick video tips covering rumination, mindfulness and overcoming nerves.

My Video Tips:
Effective Thoughts for Every Day

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All Videos

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Healing from Trauma Through Somatic EMDR with Cara Hooper | Episode 11

Healing from Trauma Through Somatic EMDR with Cara Hooper | Episode 11

57:35

How to overcome the nerves to try something with confidence

How to overcome the nerves to try something with confidence

02:12

Break the rumination habit

Break the rumination habit

02:01

Struggling with uncertainty?
Uncertainty is a common cause of anxiety and dysregulation.

The antidote to uncertainty is to focus on acknowledgement, agency, and self trust.

Any transition or change, invited or not, causes a mixture of feelings, including uncertainty, grief, overwhelm and excitement.

The antidote:

> Acknowledge the feelings. All of them. Notice the emotions and the bodily sensations in this moment (and repeat every hour throughout the day). Without judgement. All of your feelings are understandable and need to be honoured. Move or calm your body when needed. This approach helps you to keep returning towards nervous system regulation.

> Focus on what you can control. You may have little impact on the overall outcome, but you can make choices that give a greater sense of agency and ease. You can connect to others, you can instigate plans, you can prioritise rest and restoration.

> Remember that you CAN trust yourself. You have navigated uncertainty before. The more you repeat the above steps, the more you will be able to think creatively, to seek support, to take care of yourself.

For bespoke help, contact me for a free consultation.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#Uncertainty
#resilience
#transitions

Struggling with uncertainty?
Uncertainty is a common cause of anxiety and dysregulation.

The antidote to uncertainty is to focus on acknowledgement, agency, and self trust.

Any transition or change, invited or not, causes a mixture of feelings, including uncertainty, grief, overwhelm and excitement.

The antidote:

> Acknowledge the feelings. All of them. Notice the emotions and the bodily sensations in this moment (and repeat every hour throughout the day). Without judgement. All of your feelings are understandable and need to be honoured. Move or calm your body when needed. This approach helps you to keep returning towards nervous system regulation.

> Focus on what you can control. You may have little impact on the overall outcome, but you can make choices that give a greater sense of agency and ease. You can connect to others, you can instigate plans, you can prioritise rest and restoration.

> Remember that you CAN trust yourself. You have navigated uncertainty before. The more you repeat the above steps, the more you will be able to think creatively, to seek support, to take care of yourself.

For bespoke help, contact me for a free consultation.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#Uncertainty
#resilience
#transitions

How often do you reflect on your progress?

The way you handle things now will likely be a big improvement on how you handled things in the past, but too often we overlook our growth. We notice our mistakes more than we acknowledge our learning.

Taking time to think about what we're doing well reinforces our learning, builds self trust, boosts self confidence and reduces self criticism.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#recognition
#learning
#proudpoints

How often do you reflect on your progress?

The way you handle things now will likely be a big improvement on how you handled things in the past, but too often we overlook our growth. We notice our mistakes more than we acknowledge our learning.

Taking time to think about what we're doing well reinforces our learning, builds self trust, boosts self confidence and reduces self criticism.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#recognition
#learning
#proudpoints

Are you choosing the...

Comfortable untruth

Or

Uncomfortable truth?

When we speak up/tell our truth, we prioritise authenticity over fear

It's not easy. It takes conscious effort. But the alternative is to avoid, repress, and betray ourselves.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#trueself
#freedom
#honourself

Are you choosing the...

Comfortable untruth

Or

Uncomfortable truth?

When we speak up/tell our truth, we prioritise authenticity over fear

It's not easy. It takes conscious effort. But the alternative is to avoid, repress, and betray ourselves.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#trueself
#freedom
#honourself

30 second reset 🔊

Pause, notice, release tension

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#Pause
#mindfulness

30 second reset 🔊

Pause, notice, release tension

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#Pause
#mindfulness

Masterclass on Overwhelm & The Nervous System:

🌱 Learn your nervous system cues
🌱 Practise regulation techniques to build self-trust
🌱 Improve your ability to recover from overwhelm
🌱 Increase self awareness
🌱 Reduce anxiety spikes
🌱 Improve cognitve focus, and recover faster from setbacks

This is a 1 stop recorded video module, with reflective course notes that offers a toolkit you can use in real time.

Feedback on this course - "I thought it was wonderful. You are so calm and clear, and the pace/pitch was great. It flowed really well, kept my attention and I liked the structure with introduction, the slides, the exercises etc and the checking in. A nice balance of info and also things to do.
I think the examples were lovely, I really liked when you talked about the day, imagining waking up dysregulated (or not) and how accumulative it is gathering through the day. That made a lot of sense. I also loved the be like a dog bit. Hadn't thought about dog stretches and shakes like that before!

I think the course is really informative and interesting. The demonstration of regulation techniques was fab, and I did the butterfly hug! It was interesting you saying to regulate throughout the day at transition periods. I hadn't thought of doing that before." - Sally O'Brien

Link in my bio, link tree. Or go to effectivethoughts.co.uk/masterclass
https://tr.ee/7MP9B3BsQ8

#nervoussystem
#masterclass
#learnathome
#awarenessbuilding
#regulation

Masterclass on Overwhelm & The Nervous System:

🌱 Learn your nervous system cues
🌱 Practise regulation techniques to build self-trust
🌱 Improve your ability to recover from overwhelm
🌱 Increase self awareness
🌱 Reduce anxiety spikes
🌱 Improve cognitve focus, and recover faster from setbacks

This is a 1 stop recorded video module, with reflective course notes that offers a toolkit you can use in real time.

Feedback on this course - "I thought it was wonderful. You are so calm and clear, and the pace/pitch was great. It flowed really well, kept my attention and I liked the structure with introduction, the slides, the exercises etc and the checking in. A nice balance of info and also things to do.
I think the examples were lovely, I really liked when you talked about the day, imagining waking up dysregulated (or not) and how accumulative it is gathering through the day. That made a lot of sense. I also loved the be like a dog bit. Hadn't thought about dog stretches and shakes like that before!

I think the course is really informative and interesting. The demonstration of regulation techniques was fab, and I did the butterfly hug! It was interesting you saying to regulate throughout the day at transition periods. I hadn't thought of doing that before." - Sally O'Brien

Link in my bio, link tree. Or go to effectivethoughts.co.uk/masterclass
https://tr.ee/7MP9B3BsQ8

#nervoussystem
#masterclass
#learnathome
#awarenessbuilding
#regulation

How to level-up by boosting bravery.

We can easily talk ourselves out of doing that difficult thing. Whether it's doing something new, speaking publicly, having a difficult conversation or setting boundaries, our fearful responses can override our courage. We need a conscious approach...

3 STEPS >

1 - Name it: The trick is 1st to acknowledge the fear. It's understandable.

2 - Regulate nervous sysyem: By bringing focus back to the body/senses in this moment, we can return to a sense of safety and ascertain if we need to move or calm ourselves.

3 - Switch to Brave mode: Then, we can reassure ourselves as we would a best friend. We are brave, mistakes are what learning is all about, and we are always learning.

Bonus points for reflecting on the bravery AFTER we have taken a courageous step. This builds trust that we can do difficult things.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#feelthefear
#trynewthings
#leadership

How to level-up by boosting bravery.

We can easily talk ourselves out of doing that difficult thing. Whether it's doing something new, speaking publicly, having a difficult conversation or setting boundaries, our fearful responses can override our courage. We need a conscious approach...

3 STEPS >

1 - Name it: The trick is 1st to acknowledge the fear. It's understandable.

2 - Regulate nervous sysyem: By bringing focus back to the body/senses in this moment, we can return to a sense of safety and ascertain if we need to move or calm ourselves.

3 - Switch to Brave mode: Then, we can reassure ourselves as we would a best friend. We are brave, mistakes are what learning is all about, and we are always learning.

Bonus points for reflecting on the bravery AFTER we have taken a courageous step. This builds trust that we can do difficult things.

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#feelthefear
#trynewthings
#leadership

The necessity for attunement and co-regulation in coaching.

There are functions that only human coaches can provide, and are essential to allowing mental capacity for clarity, creativity, problem solving: - Attunement and Co-regulation.

Hearing the words "I feel so much better already" reminded me of this hugely important part of coaching.

As a novice coach, 20 years ago, I might have rushed through an individual's need to co-regulate. I wanted to add 'value' and get to the part where someone has full awareness and actionable steps. Whilst this was somewhat useful, I was inadvertently allowing the continued stifling of the creative brain.

When we are dysregulated we cannot think straight. We are primed for survival, not for exploration of perspective or solutions. Feeling attuned to by a regulated-other is an effective way to bring us back to full cognitive function.

Curious about working with the nervous system in coaching? Book a free consultation via my link/website.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#humanvAi
#cognitivefunction
#solutionfocus

The necessity for attunement and co-regulation in coaching.

There are functions that only human coaches can provide, and are essential to allowing mental capacity for clarity, creativity, problem solving: - Attunement and Co-regulation.

Hearing the words "I feel so much better already" reminded me of this hugely important part of coaching.

As a novice coach, 20 years ago, I might have rushed through an individual's need to co-regulate. I wanted to add 'value' and get to the part where someone has full awareness and actionable steps. Whilst this was somewhat useful, I was inadvertently allowing the continued stifling of the creative brain.

When we are dysregulated we cannot think straight. We are primed for survival, not for exploration of perspective or solutions. Feeling attuned to by a regulated-other is an effective way to bring us back to full cognitive function.

Curious about working with the nervous system in coaching? Book a free consultation via my link/website.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#humanvAi
#cognitivefunction
#solutionfocus

Worthing's Netwalking By The Sea - Next one is Thursday 12th March.

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month. Start at 9.30 am. Meet at the front of the Pavilion, Worthing.

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like.

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

This is a free, informal event with no booking required. Participation is voluntary. Each participant is responsible for their own safety, behaviour, belongings, and weather appropriate garb.

#netwalking
#Worthing
#coastline
#nature

Worthing's Netwalking By The Sea - Next one is Thursday 12th March.

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month. Start at 9.30 am. Meet at the front of the Pavilion, Worthing.

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like.

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

This is a free, informal event with no booking required. Participation is voluntary. Each participant is responsible for their own safety, behaviour, belongings, and weather appropriate garb.

#netwalking
#Worthing
#coastline
#nature

The healing power of Nature to improve focus...

- Problem - overwhelmed/lacking in focus/ on edge/generally stressed/fatigued?
- Treatment - Nature relaxes the brain, allowing restoration of our capacity to focus.
- Dosage - 120 minutes per week around something natural (grass, trees, water). That's 17.14 minutes per day! Dosage is a much-asked academic question. Essentially any nature connection is better than none.

1 theory relating to the brain's concentration capacity = Attention Restoration Theory. (Rachel & Stephen Kaplan). It comprises 4 parts:

- BEING AWAY
Separate from the everyday
- SOFT FASCINATION
Attention without effort
- COHERENCE
Immersive, greater perspective
- COMPATABILITY
Passively restorative, supportive - we instinctively know how to find relief and restoration in nature

This is 1 academic theory. We all know we feel better after a visit outdoors. We just know.

#effectivethoughts
#outdoorcoaching
#Nature
#healing
#focus

The healing power of Nature to improve focus...

- Problem - overwhelmed/lacking in focus/ on edge/generally stressed/fatigued?
- Treatment - Nature relaxes the brain, allowing restoration of our capacity to focus.
- Dosage - 120 minutes per week around something natural (grass, trees, water). That's 17.14 minutes per day! Dosage is a much-asked academic question. Essentially any nature connection is better than none.

1 theory relating to the brain's concentration capacity = Attention Restoration Theory. (Rachel & Stephen Kaplan). It comprises 4 parts:

- BEING AWAY
Separate from the everyday
- SOFT FASCINATION
Attention without effort
- COHERENCE
Immersive, greater perspective
- COMPATABILITY
Passively restorative, supportive - we instinctively know how to find relief and restoration in nature

This is 1 academic theory. We all know we feel better after a visit outdoors. We just know.

#effectivethoughts
#outdoorcoaching
#Nature
#healing
#focus

*Allowing* rather than ignoring or repressing boosts our capacity for change and our ability to recover from stress.

Just having awareness and noticing our nervous system, feelings, and responses will build our self trust.

Self trust is our superpower - it allows us to face adversity and uncertainty.

It can take a lot of practise to develop self trust after a lifetime of overriding our feelings and needs, but we will start to see the advantages of just noticing very quickly.

If you don’t know where to start, my coaching can help. You can book a free consultation via my link.

#effectivethoughts
#stressrelief
#emotionalregulation
#change
#trust

*Allowing* rather than ignoring or repressing boosts our capacity for change and our ability to recover from stress.

Just having awareness and noticing our nervous system, feelings, and responses will build our self trust.

Self trust is our superpower - it allows us to face adversity and uncertainty.

It can take a lot of practise to develop self trust after a lifetime of overriding our feelings and needs, but we will start to see the advantages of just noticing very quickly.

If you don’t know where to start, my coaching can help. You can book a free consultation via my link.

#effectivethoughts
#stressrelief
#emotionalregulation
#change
#trust

How to be assertive when it feels scary and difficult.

1. Acknowledge the fear. It's understandable, most of us grew up being told off or quietened for stating our needs.

2. Reassure self, those parts of us that are scared ("I can be brave", "I've got this"). Regulate your nervous system by reconnecting to the body in this moment.

3. Use assertive language ("I want to"/"I need to") without offering alternatives or apologies. Stick to the purpose.

4. Let go of trying to guess the outcome. This includes preemptive over empathy of how the other person might feel. Fear can lead us down story pathways towards outcomes that might not happen.

When we are not used to advocating for ourselves, it feels hard. But we can recognise that and do it anyway 👏

#effectivethoughts
#assertiveness
#clearcommunication
#selfdevelopment
#selfcompassion

How to be assertive when it feels scary and difficult.

1. Acknowledge the fear. It's understandable, most of us grew up being told off or quietened for stating our needs.

2. Reassure self, those parts of us that are scared ("I can be brave", "I've got this"). Regulate your nervous system by reconnecting to the body in this moment.

3. Use assertive language ("I want to"/"I need to") without offering alternatives or apologies. Stick to the purpose.

4. Let go of trying to guess the outcome. This includes preemptive over empathy of how the other person might feel. Fear can lead us down story pathways towards outcomes that might not happen.

When we are not used to advocating for ourselves, it feels hard. But we can recognise that and do it anyway 👏

#effectivethoughts
#assertiveness
#clearcommunication
#selfdevelopment
#selfcompassion

Conflicting or coexisting?

Notice the 2 seemingly opposing forces and directions in the flow of the water.

If you use nature as a metaphor - How does this relate to your experiences, as a individual and as part of a system?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#beach
#nature
#water

Conflicting or coexisting?

Notice the 2 seemingly opposing forces and directions in the flow of the water.

If you use nature as a metaphor - How does this relate to your experiences, as a individual and as part of a system?

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#beach
#nature
#water

A reminder of one of the most powerful stress processing tools we have...

Acknowledgement.

Just noticing and allowing, without judgement.

We can do this by consciously checking in and listing what we notice. That's it. No need to analyse or fix in that moment.

More than anything, our emotional and physical sensations want to be affirmed to signal safety and help with regulation. Even when those feelings are uncomfortable.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#stressreduction
#emotionalintelligence
#processing

A reminder of one of the most powerful stress processing tools we have...

Acknowledgement.

Just noticing and allowing, without judgement.

We can do this by consciously checking in and listing what we notice. That's it. No need to analyse or fix in that moment.

More than anything, our emotional and physical sensations want to be affirmed to signal safety and help with regulation. Even when those feelings are uncomfortable.

#effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#stressreduction
#emotionalintelligence
#processing

Signs of an unhealthy relationship (at work or home)..

- feeling drained or confused after contact
- having your 'no' overridden
- re-hashing discussions
- avoiding giving your opinion
- your feelings get dismissed or minimised
- something feels wrong but you're not sure what

Other signs might be that you:
- automatically minimise or justify their poor behaviour toward you
- you desperately try to prevent their upset
- you tell yourself you're being over sensitive

It's a hard truth, to admit that someone in our lives is not safe. Part of us knows that they will not receive any feedback on their behaviour with empathy.

Hence, we often choose connection over authenticity. However, this leaves us feeling dismissed, resentful and dysregulated.

Even though it's hard, some work or friend relationships can be maintained with active awareness, allies, self compassion, boundaries, and space.

Closer, intimate relationships (especially with an emotionally unsafe parent) are another level of complexity. See link in bio/website to my ebook: 'Invisible Damage: Recovering from a narcissistic or emotionally immature parent'.

If you are coaching curious, book a free consultation to discuss. I have 20 years' experience, as well as trauma certification and true life trained.

#Effectivethoughts
#toxicrelationship
#trauma
#powerimbalance
#selfbetrayal

Signs of an unhealthy relationship (at work or home)..

- feeling drained or confused after contact
- having your 'no' overridden
- re-hashing discussions
- avoiding giving your opinion
- your feelings get dismissed or minimised
- something feels wrong but you're not sure what

Other signs might be that you:
- automatically minimise or justify their poor behaviour toward you
- you desperately try to prevent their upset
- you tell yourself you're being over sensitive

It's a hard truth, to admit that someone in our lives is not safe. Part of us knows that they will not receive any feedback on their behaviour with empathy.

Hence, we often choose connection over authenticity. However, this leaves us feeling dismissed, resentful and dysregulated.

Even though it's hard, some work or friend relationships can be maintained with active awareness, allies, self compassion, boundaries, and space.

Closer, intimate relationships (especially with an emotionally unsafe parent) are another level of complexity. See link in bio/website to my ebook: 'Invisible Damage: Recovering from a narcissistic or emotionally immature parent'.

If you are coaching curious, book a free consultation to discuss. I have 20 years' experience, as well as trauma certification and true life trained.

#Effectivethoughts
#toxicrelationship
#trauma
#powerimbalance
#selfbetrayal

Becoming more authentic in life - whether setting boundaries at work or changing expected roles at home - can be met with resistance from others.

This can be because it highlights how they too need to take charge and be less of a victim to their perceived obligations. They might be resentful or jealous that they have not considered their own needs. Or your changes may challenge their habits.

Whatever creates this response in others has nothing to do with you.

#Effectivethoughts
#authenticity
#consciouschoice
#boundaries
#unfawning

Becoming more authentic in life - whether setting boundaries at work or changing expected roles at home - can be met with resistance from others.

This can be because it highlights how they too need to take charge and be less of a victim to their perceived obligations. They might be resentful or jealous that they have not considered their own needs. Or your changes may challenge their habits.

Whatever creates this response in others has nothing to do with you.

#Effectivethoughts
#authenticity
#consciouschoice
#boundaries
#unfawning

Other people's irritation toward your self compassion reflects only on them.

Some people will show resentment or annoyance when you learn to drop the obligations, to set boundaries, to advocate for yourself.

It's uncomfortable. But staying where you were feels more uncomfortable.

#Effectivethoughts
#consciousawareness
#authenticity
#courage

Other people's irritation toward your self compassion reflects only on them.

Some people will show resentment or annoyance when you learn to drop the obligations, to set boundaries, to advocate for yourself.

It's uncomfortable. But staying where you were feels more uncomfortable.

#Effectivethoughts
#consciousawareness
#authenticity
#courage

Worthing in-person appointments are available on Wednesdays.

Book a free consultation or message me ��🙂

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#mindset
#behaviourchange
#purpose

Worthing in-person appointments are available on Wednesdays.

Book a free consultation or message me 🙂

#effectivethoughts
#coaching
#mindset
#behaviourchange
#purpose

Feeling stuck? Shutdown? Despondent?

We cannot force ourselves to comply by will power or self shaming. Nervous system shutdown comes from the body being in protective mode.

The way out of shutdown starts with the body. Try these 3 steps.

1. Connect to your senses.
2. Acknowledge, without judgement, what you are noticing.
3. Gently try small movements or stretches.

You can then ascertain what might be useful for you in this moment. Maybe seeking support, taking a walk, meditating, moving.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#consciousawareness
#healing
#motivation

Feeling stuck? Shutdown? Despondent?

We cannot force ourselves to comply by will power or self shaming. Nervous system shutdown comes from the body being in protective mode.

The way out of shutdown starts with the body. Try these 3 steps.

1. Connect to your senses.
2. Acknowledge, without judgement, what you are noticing.
3. Gently try small movements or stretches.

You can then ascertain what might be useful for you in this moment. Maybe seeking support, taking a walk, meditating, moving.

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#consciousawareness
#healing
#motivation

Worthing's Netwalking By The Sea

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month. Start at 9.30 am. Meet at the front of the Pavilion.

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like.

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

This is a free, informal event with no booking required. Participation is voluntary. Each participant is responsible for their own safety, behaviour, belongings, and weather appropriate garb.

#netwalking
#Worthing
#coastline
#nature

Worthing's Netwalking By The Sea

When? 2nd Thursday of the month, every month. Start at 9.30 am. Meet at the front of the Pavilion.

Where? A 5km/3m ramp accessible route from Worthing Pavilion to George V Ave and back - do as much as you like.

Why? Combines connection with humans, the outdoors, and movement.

This is a free, informal event with no booking required. Participation is voluntary. Each participant is responsible for their own safety, behaviour, belongings, and weather appropriate garb.

#netwalking
#Worthing
#coastline
#nature

When it all feels too much...

1. Allow and acknowledge, without judgement, all the feelings - physical and emotional
2. Respond to yourself with kindness - what do you need? Do you need to cry, to rest, to take action, to connect with someone?
3. Do something that makes you feel safe/peaceful/joyful - play with the cat, call someone, read, move. If in doubt- get outside, nature is always regulating.

Even in the hardest of times, glimmers of things that feel good or positive help to regulate and balance us.

#emotionalintelligence
#consciouschoice
#selfcompassion

When it all feels too much...

1. Allow and acknowledge, without judgement, all the feelings - physical and emotional
2. Respond to yourself with kindness - what do you need? Do you need to cry, to rest, to take action, to connect with someone?
3. Do something that makes you feel safe/peaceful/joyful - play with the cat, call someone, read, move. If in doubt- get outside, nature is always regulating.

Even in the hardest of times, glimmers of things that feel good or positive help to regulate and balance us.

#emotionalintelligence
#consciouschoice
#selfcompassion

No matter how difficult and painful it may be, nothing sounds as good to the soul as the truth. - Martha Beck

It takes courage, but authenticity is essential to our sense of peace.

@themarthabeck

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#trueself
#authenticity

No matter how difficult and painful it may be, nothing sounds as good to the soul as the truth. - Martha Beck

It takes courage, but authenticity is essential to our sense of peace.

@themarthabeck

#Effectivethoughts
#Coaching
#trueself
#authenticity

Emotional injury processing

Processing an accute emotional injury differs for us all. It involves recognising the feelings, and integrating the experience.

For me, (a CPTSD recoveree with an old habit of enmeshment and fawning) it is a s l o w process.

My recovery from an emotional upheaval generally follows these steps, some may be similar how you process..

Day 1 - Shock, forcing calm:
- Externally calm & holding space for others (this will not be how everyone reacts)
- Problem solving where possible
- A feeling of disbelief
- Dysregulated/wired

Day 2-3 - Resisting the situation whilst observing the emotions:
Wanting things to be different (resistance)
Worrying about the future
Tears/talking/writing
Feeling desperate to fix things
Exhausted
Dysregulated/wired

Day 3-4 onwards, generally for 7-10 days - Accepting the reality, integrating the emotions while the body processes:
Emotional acknowledgement & acceptance
Regulation becomes the norm again
Physically, in a lot of pain - joints, muscles, feelings of inflammation, digestive issues, difficulty sleeping
Exhausted

So, why share this?
To normalise that processing takes time and is multilayered. Judging or shutting any of this down prolongs the emotional injury.
To encourage us all to notice phases where we might get stuck.
To grow understanding that we may exhibit different behaviour and go through different phases. These could be all at once, or in a different order.

Knowing our processing patterns can help us to stay attuned, curious, patient and compassionate - essential attributes for healing.

Emotional injury processing

Processing an accute emotional injury differs for us all. It involves recognising the feelings, and integrating the experience.

For me, (a CPTSD recoveree with an old habit of enmeshment and fawning) it is a s l o w process.

My recovery from an emotional upheaval generally follows these steps, some may be similar how you process..

Day 1 - Shock, forcing calm:
- Externally calm & holding space for others (this will not be how everyone reacts)
- Problem solving where possible
- A feeling of disbelief
- Dysregulated/wired

Day 2-3 - Resisting the situation whilst observing the emotions:
Wanting things to be different (resistance)
Worrying about the future
Tears/talking/writing
Feeling desperate to fix things
Exhausted
Dysregulated/wired

Day 3-4 onwards, generally for 7-10 days - Accepting the reality, integrating the emotions while the body processes:
Emotional acknowledgement & acceptance
Regulation becomes the norm again
Physically, in a lot of pain - joints, muscles, feelings of inflammation, digestive issues, difficulty sleeping
Exhausted

So, why share this?
To normalise that processing takes time and is multilayered. Judging or shutting any of this down prolongs the emotional injury.
To encourage us all to notice phases where we might get stuck.
To grow understanding that we may exhibit different behaviour and go through different phases. These could be all at once, or in a different order.

Knowing our processing patterns can help us to stay attuned, curious, patient and compassionate - essential attributes for healing.

'Doing your best' is what you can do within your current capacity.

Other measures of your perception of doing your best give way to negative judgement.

Your best is not -
What you feel obliged to do
What others might expect from you
What other people do
What you used to be able to do

Slowing down enough to check in with ourselves builds that connection so we learn what is realistic for us to achieve.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#consciousawareness
#judgement
#realism

'Doing your best' is what you can do within your current capacity.

Other measures of your perception of doing your best give way to negative judgement.

Your best is not -
What you feel obliged to do
What others might expect from you
What other people do
What you used to be able to do

Slowing down enough to check in with ourselves builds that connection so we learn what is realistic for us to achieve.

#Effectivethoughts
#coaching
#consciousawareness
#judgement
#realism

What would you appreciate letting go of? What would you gently allow to sail away with the current?

What would you appreciate letting go of? What would you gently allow to sail away with the current?

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